I think a lot of biphobia that comes from the gay community is likely to have to do with the fact that bisexuals could “pass” for being straight if they wanted to.
My ex girlfriend (who was gay) and I once talked about whether or not we would change our sexuality if we could. She said she wouldn’t, and I told her I would rather be gay.
This totally baffled her, she didn’t understand why I would want to give up my “straight”ness and become something that was, supposedly, less acceptable.
And in this I find two issues: Firstly, the assumption that straight people will more readily accept bisexuals than they would gay people. From personal experience, I don’t believe this is true. I have never been accepted because I’m “more straight” than a gay person is, and I am treated by homophobic people like an abnormality, not someone who is “half normal”.
Secondly, the assumption that being straight is the ideal, or something that bisexuals -want- to be. Sure it’s the socially acceptable way of living, but I don’t want to be straight. That’s not who I am, and I just don’t fit into a straight society.
I love women and I don’t want to lose that feeling. I don’t care whether or not it’s acceptable, that’s part of who I am and even if I had the choice I would choose women every time. I’m not ashamed of that.
What I am ashamed of is the fact that as a bisexual I’m not wanted in the gay community, my bisexuality makes me feel horrible, and I wish that I could just fit in, because I know I would fit in absolutely perfectly.
I’d rather be gay because at least that way I would have a community to fall back on, as a bisexual I feel like I don’t have that.
But until people start changing their mind about bisexuals, I’m always going to be this in between, confused, greedy, faker, traitor, unwanted, doesn’t-know-what-she-really-wants girl. And that makes me so sad.
"the assumption that being straight is the ideal, or something that bisexuals -want- to be" What a GREAT Statement of how at least Some biphobia in the Lesbian/Gay Community is a manifestation of their own internalized homophobia!
and PS can we suggest that instead of wishing you could somehow "magically turn gay" to gain acceptance in the Gay/Lesbian World perhaps it would be better to work like all heck to make it into an Actual Real LGBTQ World where everyone including ALL the Queer Identified Bisexual People (like you!) ARE absolutely accepted and that everyone would see how really you are a "perfect fit".
the word "BiConfident" cross-stitched in rose pink, purple & blue bisexual pride colors.
So cool that this made it around, made by a friend of our blog :) #wakingupwithher#biconfidence
It’s really cool that these two wonderful women coined this term!
By request: this is how much I love you guys. This could be considered the blooper reel of our wedding.
Photography credit goes to the awesome Megan Clemence. Ch-ch-check her out!
I once had a guy tell me I wasn’t really bi because I didn’t want to have a threesome with him and his girl friend. He just could not fathom the idea that I didn’t want to sleep with them, because surely that’s “like [my] dream come true, right?” And “when [am I] ever going to get another opportunity?” (The answer to that is literally every other time a guy my age finds out I’m bi.) (interestingly enough he didn’t seem to take the fact that his girlfriend didn’t want to either into account)
(submitted by anonymous)