Since getting my big lesbian ass engaged to my lovely bisexual fiancee, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about catering menus and precise shades of ivory and the relative merits of chiffon and organza. I have not spent much time plotting to overthrow the patriachal heteronormative hegemony that is the wedding-industrial complex. Woosh! Out the window goes the politics, in comes massive spreadsheets tracking my shoe options by price, color, and heel height.
Wedding planning is a weird intoxicant, and I’ve found myself lately doing many things I’d have absolutely scorned a few years ago. To that I say fuck you, past self! I used to unconsciously dismiss things because they were overtly feminine, and learning to embrace and value the feminine for itself rather than in comparison to the masculine is a big part of my personal journey as a feminist and a queer person.
So yeah, my wedding’s going to have a lot of traditional elements. My bride and I will wear floofy dresses and eat cake and dance the night away. There won’t be any bullshitty fathers handing over custody of their daughters or any of the other sexist and problematic wedding traditions I detest, but at a glance my Big Gay Wedding will look pretty similar to that Sacred Institution of Traditional Marriage our detractors love to blather on about. And guess what? This isn’t assimilation, this isn’t betrayal of the queer community, this is my fucking party and I’ll have impeccable floral arrangements if I want to.
Cuddling is about making her feel safe. To have your arms around her so she feels protected. Running your fingers along her arm and gazing into her eyes. No words will need to be said, for she will feel the love in every kiss. With her head against your chest she can feel your heart beating for her. Letting her know at that very moment nothing could go wrong.
When people say bisexual men will eventually be gay,
and when people say that bisexual women will eventually be straight,
what people are actually saying is that choosing men over women is inevitable.
This is patriarchy.
Can you even imagine being one of those anti-gay marriage people? Every time a new state grants gays the right to marry you think “Oh fuck. God is pissed. My marriage is threatened. My kids are in danger. We’re all going to die in some horrible natural disaster.” Being on the wrong side of history sounds stressful.